Driving home

through a heavy mist of memories

new roads and old thoughts, always

neverending words to haunt me.

I listen for distractions

and invite anyone’s,

anyone else’s mantra to replace my own

As I envision new beginnings

and wonder where that strength comes from, and why

and where

and how

do I pursue one last time for the millionth

time?

An appeal to the universe yields no answers

but for running out of gas, under a rainbow

Beautiful distractions.

Maybe they are the answers, as good as any

through winding tunnels of green and grief and trepidation

the roads that stretch before me

seem longer than those already driven ,

apparently not destroyed…

that was me.

Under a broken down rainbow the ghost words continue

constant companions

a love-hate relationship if you will

one. more. chance.

one more choice!

one more leap – the kind without faith behind it

without crutch

or carry

or maybe even care

without, I hope, this tarnished cross that has mocked me

through countless trials

and even more executions, and yet

time passes

or fools us into passing

or exists, and fools us into existance

despite all the warnings

of No Exits

that rise

as ghostly incense, an apology for nothing

Follow the shadow of the rainbow

and I am not surprised

that this does not lead me home.

Nor does this stranger

digging through his truck for change

and that smile I fake

so many decades in the making

Deciding as I drive away

that beauty

is the greatest deceipt

in this vast and treacherous ocean

of false gods and mirages.